How To Be Assertive Without Being Rude Part 2: Using Assertive Statements
Ways Of Being Assertive!
In the last week we discussed how there is a fine line between assertiveness and rudeness and what ways we can use to be assertive. Assertiveness is all about expressing both positive and negative ideas and feelings in an honest way. However, being assertive does not guarantee that we will get what we want. But it will help us recognize our own rights while also respecting the rights of others. It also helps us to find mutually satisfying solutions when conflicts occur. Today I want to share how and what statements we can use to exert assertiveness:
How: There are three C’s of assertive communication:
1) Confidence – This is about knowing what we are saying and believing in ourselves.
2) Clarity – The message we give to the other person is easy to understand, clear, and unexaggerated.
3) Control – This is about controlling the situation and observing what is happening in it.
What: Here are some assertive statements we can use:
1) No thank you, I am not interested.
2) That may be true, but I am not currently into it/interested.
These statements can be used when you politely want to deny someone’s offer.
3) We are short on time/we’re running behind schedule, let’s try to stay on track.
4) We have a lot to cover.
These statements can be used when there is shortness on time and you need to get things done.
5) I would prefer it to be like this.
6) I would like to do it this way, is it possible?
These statements are a way to communicate your preference to the other person.
7) You may not be aware of this, but it is happening.
This statement can be given when giving insight to another person about something that you observed is happening but they do not seem to be aware of it.
8) I understand that you have a need to talk and I need to finish what I am doing. So how about we meet and talk in the next hour?
This statement is about compromise. If your self-respect is not in question and the compromise is workable, then you can use this statement. However, if the outcome would mean your self-respect or self-worth to be questioned, then there should not be any compromise.
9) I feel frustrated when you are late for meetings, I don’t like having to repeat information.
This is an assertive statement communicating expression of feelings as well as the message that the other person should not be late for something they are expected to be on time for.
10) I completely understand what you are saying, but I have to disagree.
Remember that there is a difference between understanding something and agreeing to it. You do not have to agree with someone in order to understand them. This statement can be used to give a message that you understand the other person while communicating that your point of view is different.
11) Can you suggest a time we can talk about it? I’m concerned.
This statement can be used when you are concerned about something and want to ask for what you want, that is, talking about it.
12) Yes, you are right. I do not always closely listen to what you are saying.
13) I agree that there are times when I do not respond properly to your questions.
These statements would make you look more comfortably at the criticism you receive over your personality or your own negative behavior. This would help you accept your flaws without being defensive or anxious about it and would also reduce the hostility of the person criticizing you.
14) Can you please explain me the reasoning behind this? I want to understand it better.
This statement can be used when you are either unable to understand why another person is behaving in a certain way or you do not understand something in general.
Lastly, I would like to place emphasis on how practice is vital to be fluent in assertive communication. It’s all about communicating in a direct but respectful, accepting, and non-aggressive-non-passive way.Good luck!