Why Consistency In Relationships Is Important
Consistency: A foundation of trust
As humans, we all require consistency. It brings us peace and comfort when we are a part of consistent relationships. Those who are surrounded by consistent relationships experience things go by more smoothly than others. Why is this?
Well, it’s because consistency means predictability and a feeling of safety. When there is consistency in behavior and communication, you begin to know what to expect from the other person. Are you more able to rely on friends who are there for you and provide you the same level of care whenever you reach out for help? That’s because those friends are being consistent in their care and that offers you predictability and safety.
Similarly, inconsistency causes unpredictability which causes stress. Take the example of Sara and Wahab. They have been argument since a while about what kind of school their child should be in. Wahab thinks the child should go to a school that focuses more on studies whereas Sara thinks that the child should go to a school that is inclined towards extra-curriculars too as she believes they are as important. As the argument heats up, Wahab agrees with Sara to send their child to the school she wants him to go to. Sara feels understood. The next time the topic comes up, Wahab tells her that he has already filled the application for the school he wants him to go to. At this point, Sara feels stressed and her mind boggles. She says “I thought we agreed on the schooling.” Wahab says “I only said that to calm you down.” These kinds of things keep happening in Sara and Wahab’s relationship and it affects Sara’s trust on Wahab’s consistency. She finds it difficult to rely or depend on Wahab’s verbal responses as they are unpredictable and cannot be trusted.
You see..even though what Wahab wants for his child is not wrong, his actions are not consistent with his words, which stresses their relationship as there is a lack of predictability. He was not being honest with her or even himself for that matter. Other examples of inconsistency include talking to your loved one nicely one day and rudely the next, verbally agreeing to avoid conflict and then verbally disagreeing later (or disagreeing with actions your actions rather than verbally), offering love and care one hour and then mistreating your loved one the next hour, showing your loved one that you trust him/her and then doubting him/her later, telling your loved one that you love them but your actions are not depicting that love, acting interested in someone one day and then disregarding them the next day, and many more.
So if you find yourself less than satisfied with your relationships, a lack of consistency may be one of the problems or the most significant of the problems.